4 Ways to Spot An Abusive Friendship

We've all had that friend. The one who drains you and doesn't even know (or care) that they do it. 

While those who do it out of ignorance are a little more forgivable, sometimes we may have people in our lives, who gain energy by draining time, resources and money from us. Since I'm a people pleaser, I've had many people like that in my life and It's taught me how to spot the tale-tale signs of an abusive friendship. 


1 | They don't give you an out

Yes, in a friendships you should go above and beyond because you care. However, a friendship is also about understanding that a person may not always be able to save you. If a friend doesn't understand this, it could lead to emotional abuse.

They may try to make you feel guilty and always indebted to them.  


2 | They are never grateful

Being grateful doesn't mean you say thank you for everything. In fact it's not the words but the actions that show gratefulness. Little things like paying for the tip if you friend offers to pay for the meal, offering to drive every now and then or paying for gas, or being supportive during their hardest times are all signs of a healthy relationship. 

If  feel like a slave in a relationship with an ungrateful master, you might need to re-evaluate your situation. 


3 | They Only Contact You When They Want Something

This one is my favorite. There were certain people in my life who only texted me when they needed a ride, food, money or all three. Yes, it's great to do things for a friend but if the only time someone reaches out is if they need or want something and disappear as soon as they get it, that isn't a healthy friendship. 

I'm not saying you shouldn't do things for others, but if you start to notice this pattern, it might be time to take a step back, or let them know it's affecting you. 


4 |  They Show No Loyalty

Sadly, this is always going to be the biggest sign. I understand if a friend ghosts you because they suddenly get a boyfriend or are busy with work. However, if they don't stick up for you or try to support you in the bad times, you should probably reconsider having them around in the good times. I've had friends who leave me high and dry as soon as they see a better opportunity. 

While I understand they have to do what's best for them, that doesn't mean that I will want the same friendship with them when they come crawling back. 


Remember, at the end of the day, a friendship is supposed to build you up. If you feel like you're constantly being put down, abused and used, don't be afraid to let them know and see if you can improve. If they don't change or don't want to, maybe you have to consider letting that friendship go for something better.